What Do I Do?

Dear Queen-
I just got back to having a relationship with my Mom.  She has been in prison for most of my life and she never raised me or my sisters, but I have been trying to give her a chance.  I want to love her an forgive her . . . but it's hard to not remember how she left us.  What do I do?   -  R.K.

Dear R.K.-

That's a hard one.  I would say that forgiveness is essential if you want to progress, because if you don't forgive, you will be walking around with that pain in your heart for a lifetime.  You will feel anger, disappointment, hurt and all of these emotions may be confusing.  But remember, your Mom made her choices in life.  You can CHOOSE to love, forgive and heal. 

I think that it would be helpful to express your emotions to your Mom, or someone that you trust.  Expressing your feelings will be the first step to healing.  Your Mom may not be ready to accept the wrong that she has done, but at least you will feel some freedom from carrying the weight of the past.

I pray that you and your Mom work things out, and will continue to pray for you.

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Revenge On A Cheating Husband

Dear Queen:

My husband had cheated some years ago, but I have had a really hard time trusting him, even though I love him.  Now that he has decided to be all nice and loving, I don't know if I should believe it.  I have even thought of having a fling so that we could be 'even', but I haven't had the heart.  What should I do?  - BG

Dear BG:  Getting even won't solve the problem.  The fact that you love him and decided to stay should tell you that your heart is still in the marriage.  So you have a choice to make . . . will you live in the past or live in the future?  If you live in the past, you will always refer back to what he did and be stuck in those hurt feelings.  If you choose to live in the future, you see your husband as the man he is and will be, not the man that he was.  By deciding to stay, you must have believed somewhere in your heart that he was worth fighting for.  My advice to you . . . less doubting and more loving.  If he apologized for his wrong, choose to forgive him and LOVE him. 


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The New Anonymous Advice Column

The Emancipated Queen has decided to change the face of this blog.  Instead of a one sided conversation, I am now turning this page into an anonymous advice column.  I think it's important to share ideas and to see other's points of view. Plus, there are so many women facing every day dilemmas and sound advice is priceless.

If you have a question, you can email emancipatedqueen@gmail.com and your question (along with the response) will be listed.  I will only list your initials . . . no one needs to know ALL of your business. 

Look forward to hearing from you!

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What Is Holding You?

I know it's been a week since I've added a new message and I apologize.  I won't stay away that long again.  I have been working on my mind . . . thinking about my steps and how to get to the next level.  I thought about my dreams, and how I need the confidence to carry those things out.

I don't know about you, but I am tired of being limited.  I am tired of having excuses and failing to meet my goals.  I am tired of going in circles, wasting time reflecting on what I 'should have' or 'could have' done.  It's time to move forward.

I am challenging myself, as well as you, to get busy LIVING.  If there are things that you have not done that you need to, there is no better time than today to get moving.  We can do this!

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For The Love . . .

I have been dragged through the dirt for love . . . I have done things and given my heart only to be hurt in the end.  But the saddest part is, I have done it more than once.  So what is the problem with me?  Why did dysfunctional love SEEM so normal?

Most relationships that I see these days are severely unbalanced. I think this is because most of us were not taught the proper way to love. . . we didn't witness loving relationships.

I don't want our youth to make the same love mistakes that we have. We need to teach them to love and respect themselves so that the next generation won't be so "Love Dumb".

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No Dark Meat

I was watching a television program where black women were being interviewed, and the women stated that although they were black, they would NEVER date a black man.  They said that they believed that black men were no good and that white men would treat them better.

Now, I believe that if you find love in any race or color, you should go for it and not be prejudiced.  HOWEVER, it seemed like a bit of self-hate for women to say that ALL black men were bad.  I wonder what makes our people believe that other races are superior when it comes to dating?  It is okay for them to prefer white men, but to categorize their brothers seems a bit extreme.  What are your thoughts?

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My Lesson

I would consider myself to be one of the most positive people anyone would meet.  However, I have my moments.  Last week I found myself in my own Pity Party and for some reason, it felt good to feel sorry for myself. 

I realized that faking happiness did not work any better than wallowing in self-pity.  I just had to accept that it's okay to feel sad . . .it's a human emotion.  But after that feeling comes I have to process it, then pull myself together. 

There is no situation that is permanent.  As long as I have life, I have an opportunity to change any situation.  I"m not perfect, but I'm getting there . . .

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